Rhymes With Fuchsia

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Ten on Tuesday

Ten events that should be in the Olympics

The ToT site says these can be serious or fun. Mine are all fun, unless of course you find yourself actually doing some of them.
  1. Package juggling. Athletes must juggle a large purse, a stroller, and three or four handleless bags while navigating obstacles such as heavy doors that must be pulled open, shoppers becalmed in the prepared-foods aisle, and cars whizzing through parking-lot puddles at dangerous speeds. Extra degree-of-difficulty points can be earned by adding ambulatory children whose hands must be held at all times and/or dogs on leashes to the mix.
  2. Car-key retrieval. Athletes must retrieve car keys from murky water at least ten feet deep. Use of magnets is not allowed. In the winter version, the keys are located somewhere along a two-mile cross-country skiing course under several feet of newly fallen snow.
  3. Cat wrangling. Athletes must capture three or more cats in an open-plan house with plenty of furniture, cage them in a single cat carrier (adding each new cat without allowing any cats already therein to escape), and take them to the vet. Heavy work gloves may be worn, but degree-of-difficulty points are awarded for completing the task barehanded.
  4. Loon photography. Athletes must use a standard-issue camera to take the best possible picture of loon(s) that refuse to get anywhere near the shore. Use of motorless watercraft is permitted, but dropping the camera in the water will disqualify the athlete.
  5. Spinach tennis. The rules are the same as for table tennis, but the game is played with a ball of cooked spinach on a standard-size dining table, with dinner plates as paddles. Various rare and expensive objets d'art are perched on shelves near the table; breaking any of these or squishing the ball underfoot will disqualify the athlete.
  6. Extreme knitting and/or spinning. See event descriptions here.
  7. Rhinebeck scavenger hunt. Athletes must find and purchase everything on a list of specified items, including, but not limited to, a skein of STR lightweight merino, a frisbee-playing dog, a pumpkin, a peacock feather, and an antique spinning wheel. Best time wins.
  8. Kitchen aerobics. Athletes must clean and remove all traces of a ten-course meal for twelve guests (or, if they prefer, a twelve-course meal for ten guests) before their mother-in-law shows up.
  9. Hamster search. Athletes must locate and capture a hamster alive in a three-story house also inhabited by several children and a dog.
  10. Blackberry harvest. Athletes must pick the maximum possible volume of ripe, unblemished blackberries in the allotted time on an ungroomed course. Protective gear may be worn.
All right, so I kindasorta cheated on the knitting/spinning thing, and on a couple of others, actually. For extra credit, which one did I get out of what movie, and which one did I steal from a fellow knitblogger without attribution?


  • You're a crack up!

    By Blogger Margene, at 5:18 PM  

  • when i went to field school (where they teach archaeologists how to dig and the school gets you to pay for the privilege) we made up all these crazy archaeology olympic events, like hiking up the mesa with the survey equipment and crazy things that i don't hardly remember now. it was a blast, putting a spin on the things we had to do anyway. kinda like your package juggling and key retrieval.

    By Blogger the boogeyman's wife, at 6:46 PM  

  • Loon photography? Oh, photos OF loons, not BY loons. Gotcha.

    And, I do believe that #9 was shamelessly cribbed from a certain friend's real life experience, perhaps earning said hamster the nickname "Houdini." Or "Escap-e." (In fact, I thought that even before I got to your footnote!)

    By Blogger Danielle, at 8:46 PM  

  • They're all pretty funny, but I think spinach tennis is my favorite.

    By Blogger knitnzu, at 9:46 PM  

  • You're a true athlete. I hereby award you ToT Gold.

    By Anonymous Annie, at 7:38 AM  

  • Did you steal the hamster search from the movie, "Mousetrap? Package juggling is brilliant, as is the cat wrangling. Three cats in a single carrier? Madness!!

    By Blogger Roxie, at 10:13 AM  

  • I'm with knitnzu, I particularly like Spinach tennis!

    By Blogger Alwen, at 10:29 AM  

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