Ten on Tuesday

Ten Things to Take on a Camping Trip

Let me preface this list by saying that I don't find camping per se all that attractive. I enjoy the wonders of nature as much as the next person, but after a full day of great outdoors I would like to sleep in an actual bed under an actual solid leak-free roof, preferably with modern plumbing immediately available, by which I mean that I don't need to get fully dressed and leave shelter in order to use it. Call me a hothouse flower if you must. I'd make an exception if I had nowhere else to sleep, due to lack of either decent hostelry or funds. In the former case the scenery had better be drop-dead, and in the latter case I'd better have a really good reason to be there. My list presumes that I am miles from nowhere and must be prepared for anything.

1. Tent, extremely waterproof, with fly and ground sheet ditto.
   
2. Sleeping bag rated to 40 below. You understand that there's no way I'm going camping between September and May. Still, see above, prepared for anything.
   
3. Camp stove and lantern(s) with plenty of fuel. All of my water will be thoroughly boiled. Scenery that doesn't include a body of fresh water by definition fails the drop-dead test.
   
4. Heavy-duty pot with lid ditto. See above, thoroughly boiled.
   
5. Food. In this category I'm not too picky; I can subsist for at least a week on beef jerky and cold cereal. Since I haven't fished in 30 years and have never shot a gun, I'm taking the minimum necessary foodstuffs with me.
   
6. Bug spray and sunscreen. See above, if I insist on summer I'll have to be prepared for the standard hazards.
   
7. Long underwear, several sets, preferably merino wool, and socks ditto. Since I brought the sunscreen I'm guaranteed at least one cold, damp day.
   
8. First-aid kit.
   
9. Knife and hatchet for campfire construction. Scenery that doesn't include trees by definition fails the drop-dead test.
   
10. Camping companion(s). You didn't think I was going to carry all this by myself, did you?